Unemployed and overworked

I hate being unemployed. I hate the word layoff. I hate the thought that higher ups decided our fates. Yes him, not her, yes her, not him.

It's given me time to do all the pet projects I've been meaning to do. I've thrown myself into every one of them wholeheartedly with no time to waste. You never know, I may get a job tomorrow and I won't be able to work on them at all. Would that be lucky or awful? I need to work. I need to pay the mortgage. But I don't want to continue being a peon. I have to make my own chances. Take the risks. But if I don't take the jobs offered to me am I going to regret it 3 months down the line when I'm still begging for that $475 unemployment check? I just looked at my calendar and everyday has been booked with meetings and lunches that so far have gone no where. Something will pay off. I just have to keep finding my happy place - the bright spots. Cheer up, kid! They all know you're good at what you do, if only you could figure out what it is that you do.

Okay, so I need a job. Now I get a free month at Media Match.com if I blog about them. Well here it is. http://www.media-match.com/jobsboard.php They've got a ton of job listings and I apply for all of them and watch as no one calls me. But at least it makes me feel like I'm keeping busy. Running around in my little hamster cage hoping for that drip of water.

Overly anxious, almost overbearing and always late.

Tonight I went to Sandra Tsing Loh's Martinis and Magnets event. As always, I came a hair's breath away from being late because I left at 6:08 from North Hollywood for a 6:30 event in West LA. Just yesterday, I scheduled a massage for me and Jake at 3pm but made a date to go shopping for puffy coats with my friend Nne at 1:30. I picked her up at 1:40. She didn't come out until 1:45. We got to the mall at 2:05. Naturally, I made no compensation for the Christmas crowd. By 2:45 I was still in line to pay. I quickly made a call to the massage place to change the appointment to 3:30 and called Jake to tell him I'd pick him up at 3:15. Thinking I now had too much time, I allowed Nne to visit Payless Shoes after leaving the puffy jacket store at 3:00. Why? Why would I do that? She didn't need to go to Payless Shoes. She didn't even try on any shoes! I guess I just felt guilty for rushing her into a mall and rushing her out. But she was ready to leave, why would I even suggest Payless? By the time I picked up Jake it was 3:30. He was so nervous and upset about being late he was overstressed for what was supposed to be a relaxing massage. It's 3:40 and I just took the wrong turn. By now I'm sweating and Jake is irate. He made me call and cancel the appointment. I was mad, but I knew he was right. Again, I overbooked.

So back to the Martinis and Magnets event. I parked the car at 6:31, but as luck would have it a valet caught me parking in his lot and made me pay him $5. Fine. I got in just before they were starting... I couldn't have been more pleased with myself. Now, this event is for moms who are prepping themselves to go through the magnet lottery of the LAUSD school system. My son just turned 9 months old and is still 4 years away from Kindergarten so you can say that I'm jumping the gun...or just being prepared. But I know the truth. I'm an anxious planner when it comes to "events" -- house, baby, job etc. So why can't I plan my time better so I'm not late? Why do I cram too many things into one day? People who are late only care about themselves because they make everyone else wait for them. So I'm a selfish, anxious, overbearing planner. And Payless Shoes is the temptress of the devil.